I have a hard time cleaning my room. Always have; it's not as simple as this goes here, and that is trash. I can't put a finger on what it is ...maybe I just don't care; but I think there is something more to it because I would like some tidiness and I do spend hours attempting it . I plopped down a velvet seat cushion, put on a ten minute timer, while surrounded by piles and clutter and set out to meditate on it. Traditionally meditating involves sitting, good posture, letting thoughts in and out, focusing on your breathing. I did very few of these things, yet I achieved my purpose. So often I have sought out relaxing , calming past times only to set myself up for not wanting to relax and be calm.
I sat on my pink velvet cushion closed my eyes, took a nice breath, and then felt my dog Moochie, had lovingly brought me her toy and put it in my crossed legs. I laughed, she then brought me another toy, and then part of spa kit, which, eyes still closed! I took from her and put it up my sleeve. Which then turned into a game for her, and laughter for me. Laughter is breathing! The best kind of breathing. Laugh breathing, I started internally narrating this story you are currently reading... for one dot of a second I thought I should stop myself, but I continued narrating, even doing a second draft of my narration ; while laughing with a clueless Moochie interacting with my shell. I even started swaying , back and forth, honoring how good it felt; loosening my neck, back, my haha very funny, my hips, breathing.
Very aware that I had found laughter and joy, it was literally plopped on my lap and getting close to biting me on the boob. I had found focus; I literally narrated my own dam! life, with an internal second draft. And I felt myself move. Ding-ling-la-dee-do ...my timer went off. I got up, grabbed my laptop, took a pair of my underwear out of my dogs mouth, and wrote my final draft.
I don't need to relax, I don't need calm. I want and NEEd to laugh, I want and NEEd to narrate that laugh, I want and NEED to move, and NEED to share it.
So how to relate that back to keeping things tidy? I'm not sure maybe I don't NEED that either... maybe I am to cultivate a space that allows laughter, narration, space to move, and space to share...which will then hopefully, result in some, tidiness.